Maximillian Laumeister

How I Removed My Own Face From My Head

To avoid facial recognition, I surgically removed my own face off of my head. Here’s how to do it.

Face Removal

(Reading by Aria, Microsoft Text-To-Speech)

Author Note: This article is about physically detaching your face from your head. For how to remove your face from the internet, see my other article How I Removed My Profile Pic from Sydex and Alumnius.

In response to the increasing prevalence of privacy-encroaching facial recognition systems, I have been brainstorming ways to protect my face.

Some less-invasive techniques include “anti-recognition” makeup and haircuts, or the ol’ “lift your shirt over your face” maneuver, but none of them are as effective at thwarting facial recognition as totally, permanently, surgically removing your own face off of your head and sticking it in a jar.

If your face has sentimental value, you can preserve it in formaldehyde or phenoxyethanol, or if you’re living a chemical free lifestyle, lavender essential oil.

Benefits Of Removing Your Face

Drawbacks Of Removing Your Face

How To Remove Your Face

Removing your face isn’t that much harder than removing your fingerprints, though you will want to use local anesthetic generously. If you’re confused about where to start, Richard has put together a fantastic in-depth tutorial that you couldn’t get from any other guy.

Alternatives

There are several alternatives to removing your face, but none of them are particularly practical.

Conclusion

Surprising or not, the feeling of loss after I removed my face only lasted for about a month. I can still drink my vegan gluten-free boba tea, and even suck the little tapioca balls thru my face-hole. That makes me a very happy non-gender-binary individual.

If you want woke leftist superpowers like me, the kind that normies can only dream of, watch the Last Week Tonight episode on Face Recognition:

Facial Recognition: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO)

Remove your face today. Do it.

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